The Truth About Being With A Narcissist

Being with a narcissist means being exposed to frequent put downs, being belittled and embarrassed, ignored, gas lighted and basically, bullied. If you haven’t been in this situation, it’s probably hard for you to imagine why the person (victim) would stay.

The more you chip away, the more fragile it becomes.

I know some of you might roll your eyes and think “well, just leave!” but narc people are well practiced at treating the victim badly, but with the right amount of love bombing in between to make you think “they’re not all that bad”, “why let one horrific day cancel out the last few weeks of affection and fun” etc etc...

You want to believe they don’t mean it, so you give them another chance ...or, you try to get rid of them but they threaten you- “you’ll never afford to pay the rent without me”, “I’ll make sure everyone thinks you’re the bad guy”, “you’re nothing without me”, “look at you, no one else will ever love you” (insert your own here).

Do you know what trauma feels like?

Imagine one of those rocks that you chisel away at to reveal a fossil underneath. One hit doesn’t always make a dent, but the more you chip away, the more fragile it becomes and gradually, little parts fall away. At first, it doesn't cause too much damage but over and over again, then the rock is no longer whole. It’s lost parts of itself and is left feeling broken. This is what trauma is. 

The symptoms present as other issues, so you might think you have depression or anxiety. You could struggle with negative thoughts and nightmares, you’re constantly on edge and you jump when someone appears. It’s the flashbacks when you hear your ex’s ringtone, or the jolt of fear when you smell their aftershave. 

Trauma is like venom. It sinks into your mind. Like thick treacle it seeps into all the cracks and crevices, making its way deeper and deeper, so you don’t notice until it’s too late. 

You finally realise the darkness is there, when you don’t feel like you anymore. You feel low- not just sad, a real heavy depressed darkness. You feel lost, lonely, upset but numb and ironically, YOU feel guilty, questioning yourself WHY did you get into a relationship with him?

And you’re so damn confused! Your mind is so mixed up by the lies and the rollercoaster life you’ve been going through, that you don’t know yourself anymore, or how you’re supposed to feel. 

Oh, and BTW, you don’t know who to ask either because fuck knows who you can trust. Someone you were meant to be able to trust wholeheartedly has grown into a monster, and if you can’t trust them, who can you trust?

Even worse... how can you trust yourself? When you made such a bad judge of character, your empathy sucked in and thrown in your face again when you believed his victim story about how his exes treated him. Then, eventually you realise... everything his “exes did” are what he’s been doing to you. 

Finally, it hits you ...this isn’t HIS victim story. This is his ex’s story and the ex before that ...and now, you.

When it gets really bad, that’s when you finally realise you need help and the GP diagnoses you with trauma.

Trauma that took days, months, years to sink in and trauma that could now take months, years, decades, to recover from.

The above isn’t one of my client’s stories. This is my story. 

I didn’t have a counsellor or coach but I worked on fixing myself a lot. Knowing what I know now, all the research I did, all the different methods I used to fix my mind and recreate myself, would have been simpler if I’d had someone there, who understood and would consistently be there to guide me.

I’ve chosen to support females going through this because who better to help someone, to truly understand what they’re going through, who can relate and give realistic advice than someone who has gone through that too.

This is just to let you know that you aren’t alone and there’s always going to be someone there to help you 💖

If you'd like some support and a safe space, join the free Ready Aim Succeed Coaching Wellbeing group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/readyaimsucceedcoachingwellbeingsupportgroup/

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I'm Aimee, a #MentalWellbeingCoach specialising in supporting females who are recovering from domestic abuse.

If the above resonates with you and you want a non-judgemental and confidential chat to get your sparkle back, drop me a DM! Or...

Email me on hello@ready-aim-succeed-coaching.co.uk 

Whatsapp me: 07587 010183

Connect with me on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/aimee-heaton-ready-aim-succeed-coaching/

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Learn more about how I can help you today:

www.ready-aim-succeed-coaching.co.uk

It's important to talk 💖